How to Meet Women

A Common Sense Guide for the Sometimes Shy Guy

Foreword

Before we begin, I think that it is important to mention a few points concerning some 'ethics' involved when pursuing the ladies. 

First, do not feign long-term interest in a woman when you only have a short-term interest of getting her into bed with you.  If all you want is a casual fling, find someone who also wants just that.  If you violate this rule you will eventually hurt someone’s feelings and the law of karma will repay you in kind sometime down the road.

Second, for long-term relationships (like a marriage), remember that good looks eventually fade.  A good woman’s real worth is her internal beauty.  Is she a good person?  Does she have a good heart?  If so, she may be a keeper. 

Third, treat women respectfully and insist that they treat you with respect as well.  If you follow this rule, you will save yourself from a great deal of potential grief.

The Perfect Woman

. . . does not exist.  But that’s okay.  You’re not perfect either.  When considering whether or not a woman is marriage material, I suggest you ask yourself this question – (quoted from Nietzche in Human, All-Too-Human) – “When marrying, one should ask oneself the question: do you believe that you will be able to converse well with her into your old age?  Everything else in marriage is transitory, but the most time during the association belongs to conversation.”

Introduction to Picking Up Girls

I don’t believe that you need to be ‘slick’ or have to master advanced psychological techniques to meet and date women.  The basics, if mastered, work remarkably well.  Here are a couple of recent examples from my personal experience:

I scouted out a typical singles pick-up type bar.  After settling in with a beverage, I simply walked slowly around the perimeter of the central bar attempting to make casual eye contact with every nice lady there.  When I did make eye contact, I smiled and said, “Hello.” I then gauged their response and if it was favorable I initiated conversation.  If not, I just continued my casual stroll around the place.  In less than ten minutes I was speaking to a nice looking blond lady. The tactic worked like a charm.  This is an example of the ‘one time’ opportunity described a little later in this page.

In my gym I noticed a drop-dead gorgeous young woman.  I work out in a pretty hard-core gym, so nice looking ladies are rare.  I simply smiled and said, “Hello” when I passed her.  She had no idea who I was.  A few days later, I caught her in the parking lot two cars away from me.  She was coming. I was leaving.  I waved, gave her a great big smile, and said, “Hey, how are you doing?”  She looked puzzled probably wondering who I was.  The next time I saw her in the gym, I walked over, made small talk and quickly found out that she spoke Portuguese and that she was learning English.  Despite the language barrier, we were able to converse somewhat.  A week later I noticed her on the treadmill.  I walked over and made some small talk again.  All very casual and relaxed.  The next time I noticed her in the gym, she gave me a great big smile and waved to me.  Now, we are friends instead of strangers and I am in a comfortable position to ask her out if I want to.  This is an example of the ‘periodic contact’ opportunity mentioned later.

Do you see what I mean from these two little examples?  I didn’t try to hypnotize the ladies or dazzle them in some way.  I didn’t do or say anything outrageous, slick, or dishonest.  It’s actually easy to meet women by just using your common sense and being open and pleasant.  So, don’t confuse yourself with a lot of so-called pick-up techniques.  The real hard part is getting out of your shell and having the self-confidence to approach women.  If that’s your challenge, I suggest you read The Evolution of a Warrior.

.

Ready to get started?  Let’s go ahead and have some fun with it . . .

The Basics!

“The beginning is a very good place to start,” - the Sound of Music.

· What Attracts Women

This part is simple.  Women are basically attracted by three things:

1. Power

2. Pleasure

3. Looks

You’ll notice that “nice” is not on the list.   More on that later . . .

1. Power

Let’s first define “Power”.  Power, in our discussion here, is the ability to get what you want out of life and, related to this, the ability to get people to do what you want. 

Why do woman want a powerful man?  Simple.  Their psycho-biology is wired so that they desire a man who can provide them (and family) with security.  The more powerful a man (in terms of muscle, money, intelligence, aggressiveness, etc), the better the probability he can provide that security.  Notice that “nice” does not satisfy this primal and primary need.  Many people equate “nice” with being passive and non-assertive.  Women don’t want this in a man.  Not the ‘normal’ ones anyway.

How does a woman make a quick judgment to determine your level of “power”?  Easy.  Consciously or intuitively, a woman judges you by the degree of self-confidence you display.  Self-confidence, in general and with women in particular, is the number one thing you need to work on.  How do you build self-confidence?  How do you project self-confidence?  More on that later . . .

2. Pleasure

Women want men who give them pleasure.  I don’t mean physical pleasure in this case.  If you have a functional penis, you are well equipped to give her physical pleasure. 

In this case, I’m speaking about emotional pleasure.  How do you give emotional pleasure?  Easy.  There are many ways, but here are two of the most important ones for when you first make contact with her:

a. make her laugh

b. appeal to her ego

a. Make Her Laugh!

Getting her to laugh well within the first few minutes of conversation will put you well on your way of getting her to want to know you better.  The humor should be natural, not forced.  Keep the humor positive.  You don’t have a good sense of humor?  Develop one.  Watch comedies where the humor is delivered verbally by quick-witted characters.  Practice on your friends.  Humor is the quickest way to ‘disarm’ a female and begin to get her receptive to your advances.  If the girl doesn’t laugh at anything, run far away.  You don’t need a person who doesn’t laugh in your life.

b. Appeal to Her Ego

Hey, you know this one already!  This is why guys compliment women.  Making a woman feel good about herself – sincerely done – is a great way not only to pick her up but to keep her happy in a relationship.  The more sincere the compliment is, the better it is.  But don’t over do it.  She’s not a bloody princess.

Some tips – skip compliments that the girl has probably heard a million times.  Saying “you’re beautiful” to a beautiful woman who has probably heard that a zillion times isn’t going to get you anywhere.  “I like your earrings, they look good on you,” is much better.

Try giving compliments on something you like about her – keep it sincere.  If you can’t figure out something you like about her to compliment, why in God’s name would you want to date her?

3. Looks

Good looks count but if you lack in this department there is good news.  If you are not the best looking guy in the world, you can master points 1 and 2 and not have to worry about your looks.  Lucky for us guys, huh?  It doesn’t work the other way around.

How to improve your looks?  Exercise, ditch the eyeglasses, whiten your teeth, dress well, get a good haircut, sport a nice watch.  For God’s sake never get caught with any display of poor hygiene!  No hair growing out of the nose!  No body order!  No stained armpits on your shirts! Get the idea?  Good!

· Making Contact

Okay, you’re ready and set to go.  There are basically two scenarios you’ll face in your quest:

1. Periodic Contact

2. One Time Opportunity

1. Periodic Contact

This scenario is, by far, the better of the two.  In these cases you will periodically come in contact with her on a day-to-day (or so) basis.  She could work in the same place as you, go to the gym at the same time as you, be your sister’s friend, live in the apartment across the hall, etc, etc.  The point, and advantage to you, is that you can work on her over time.

These situations, by far, provide the best opportunities.  Thus, you should go out of your way to create them.  Go to a health club on a regular basis, take an acting class, join a bicycle club. You get the idea.  Expand your horizons and maybe you’ll get lucky doing it!

The key in the Periodic Contact scenarios is to make consistent casual contact.  You don’t need to do anything fancy.  A nice smile and hello work real well.  Light and pleasant conversation is best here.   

In the beginning, you want to find out three things about her.  Is she available?  Does she seem to like you?  Do you like her?  Discover these things using casual day-to-day conversation that any two people might have that come in contact consistently.  If the answer to all three is “yes”, she is potential date material.

Is She Available?

Obvious – look for a ring.

Does she mention a husband or boyfriend?

To find out more without seeming to really try - if it’s near the weekend, innocently ask her if she is doing anything fun on the weekend.  What does she say?

Does She Like You?

Pay attention to her signals.  In cases where you make casual contact, the signals may be less obvious than the signals you will get during an attempted “one time” pickup. 

Some Signs to Move On:

She keeps conversations short.

Eye contact is minimal.

She gives you the ‘shoulder’.

Some of the Good Signs:

She smiles often and keeps good eye contact.

She touches you lightly.

She seems glad to see you.

A really good book on how to read her silent signals is Body Language Secrets.

If you learn to pay attention to her body language, you can recognize opportunities much better and also save yourself a lot of grief by avoiding the ones who are not interested.

If the answer to all three questions (she’s available, she likes you, you like her) is ‘yes’, she is potential date material.

What’s the best way to ask her out?

Good question.  The best way to ask her out is to make the invitation as casual, easy-going, and non-threatening as possible.  For example, you could ask her if she’s doing anything fun on the weekend.  This is a great approach because you quickly find out when she’s available without asking and, if she is doing something, you can start to learn what things she likes (if you haven’t already figured that out).  

If her reply implies that she has nothing special planned, you have an opening.

“Would you like to got out for a few drinks?”

“Would you like to get a bite to eat together?”

“I’ve been wanting to see <fill in movie name>.  Would you like to go?”

Gauge her reaction.  Her body language will probably be the most obvious (and truthful) indication of her interest. Take any rejection lightly, politely, and NOT personally.  Yes, I know.  Easier said than done.  But hey, you need to be a man.  Rejection comes with the territory. 

2. One Time Opportunity

This is a tough one.  You only have a one-time opportunity to ask for a phone number or some other way of contacting\meeting her.  Now is not the time to be casual like you have all the time in the world.  You need to quickly make contact, determine if she is potentially interested in you, and ask her for a way to contact her.  This is a time to be aggressive.  Your window of opportunity will be short and can close at a moments notice.  The most important thing in this case is that

YOU CANNOT HESITATE!!!

He who hesitates, masturbates!

How do you prepare for these moments?  Some guys knock a few beers into them for liquid courage.  I would rather suggest that you mentally rehearse what you would\can do in those situations when the ‘one time opportunity’ occurs. 

For example, you pass a group of cute girls in a bar.  You make eye contact with one of them.  She smiles, her eyes dart down – two REALLY good signs.  Are you prepared to jump all over that opportunity?  By prepared, I mean mentally prepared.  Rehearse inside your head for how to exploit such opportunities.  In this way, you will always have a plan mentally at the ready and you won’t be at a loss for words when you bump into the future love of your life.

Also, are you alert to opportunities that come your way?  Did you notice that woman take a side wards glance at you?  No?  Shame on you!  Yes?  What do you do now?  Are you prepared to make contact? 

· A Simple Strategy that Works Great!

Whether it’s a house party, bar, grocery store, mall, ANYWHERE, here is a simple but extremely effective strategy:

Mingle with the crowd.  When you pass someone you find potentially interesting,

Make eye contact

Stop

Smile

Say, “Hello”

Gauge her response.

Her response will almost always be obvious.  A positive response encourages further contact and her body language will indicate interest.

If she smiles back, squares her shoulders to face you, eyes open a little wider, and she returns the greeting in a friendly way, you are in business.  Begin conversing and see where it leads.  If her response is negative, that is, if her response is such that it discourages further contact, bail out gracefully.

· Picking Up Girls in a Bar

A couple of words about picking up girls in a bar . . .

For good reasons, many pickup ‘experts’ do not recommend bars.  It’s a highly competitive atmosphere and the females have their defenses up.  On the other side of the coin, I have met most of my past girlfriends in a bar.  If you do decide to try the bar scene, following these rules will increase your odds of a successful pickup:

1. If possible, bring a buddy who has an outgoing personality.

2. Do NOT drink alcoholic beverages!  If you do not have the raw courage to approach women, the bar scene is not really a good place to be.

3. Do NOT be distracted by your buddy or by the TVs.  Do NOT watch sports!

4. Be alert to opportunities.

5. When an opportunity presents itself – do NOT hesitate!  Strike immediately!  The number one complaint of young ladies is that some guy eye balling them did not have the courage to come over and introduce themselves.

6. Know when to bail out and how to do so quickly and gracefully (see below).

· Exit Strategy

This is extremely important!!!  There are two ways to save yourself from the pain of rejection.

First, be aware of the silent and subtle signs a woman gives you.  Chasing someone who is not interested in you is not in your best interest.  Refer to the ‘Does she like you?’ section earlier in this page.

Second, having made your approach and contact, how do you bail out if you need to?  You MUST have an exist strategy!  A polite “It was nice talking to you.  See you around.” or something like that is fine.  If she responds in an unpleasant way to your advances, you don’t have to get angry.  Just say something like, “I’m sorry.  I thought you might have been someone worth getting to know better.”  Then, walk away.  Who needs someone unpleasant in their life?  Certainly not you!

Always mentally rehearse your approach strategies and exit strategies.  Use what works for you and what is comfortable for you and you’ll be okay.

That’s it for now.  I’ll add to this page as creativity and time allow.  If you are interested in getting some more ideas, you can read The Evolution of a Warrior.  It’s not a “how to” book for picking up women, but ingrained into the story are some interesting methods that you can make use of as it suits you.

Thanks for coming by.  Good luck and see you soon!

Home Page Please!

All Rights Reserved © 2006